fear

I fear death because I won't God see me full of sin

I fear living the life because I won't be a burden to myself or people who I love

I fear not good enough for someone, because I will feel not safe and insecure

I fear what I'm thinking about because it caused me not to stop thinking about negative things

I fear losing someone that I love because I'll be empty and hurtful 

I fear of habit because if I'm not doing what I used to do either it's with someone or myself I will worried

I fear of being worried because I couldn't eat and my anxiety ate me up

I fear not being able to good for my coworkers, because my boss will see me underperformance

I fear being fear because I'm tired of being fear

I fear everything that could affect mental health

I fear being myself because I guess it's easier if I'm not me 

Thankyou

I want you to remember about December, 31st 2014.
It was the first time I really know you.
You were playing basketball and after that, my friends invited me to join the dinner and we were at the same place, with some fellas that night.
You were wearing a white t-shirt.
I'd never thought, it was you that night.


I want you to remember about January, 19th 2015.
The situation was the same, after playing basketball and you were asked me out to dinner. I couldn't say no at that time.
You were wearing a western-style shirt.
I was really nervous and I'd never seen anything so perfect. We were really matched, we had the same favorite genres of music, movies, etc.
I remember we were talking about Ed Sheeran, you really adore him. You said, "he is the smartest songwriter and he really inspired me". And me too, I adore you and I adore Ed Sheeran.

Well.
And about, February 21st, 2015.
You asked me to go out with you, we went to Dia Lo Gue Art Space. Remember? I surely, say yes when you asked.
You were wearing a strip black gray shirt.
I thought I was falling in love with you.
I remember thinking that I had to have you, or I'd die.
Then you told me that you love me under the blue night sky.
And I felt so peaceful and safe.
Because I knew that no matter what happened from that day on nothing could ever be that bad.
Because I had you.
And then I grew up and I lost my way.
And I blamed you for anything so easily, I ever thought you were like the same guy that I met before, I know exactly that you're not like that.
I'm just too afraid so I pushed you away.
And I know that you think you have to end all this and backtrack so casually.
I don't want you to, I really don't want you to say goodbye to me.
Say goodbye to all the things we've done yet.
But I guess if I love you, I should let you go and I should not beg you to stay.
I should let you move on.